Relationships can make or break a child’s experience in school. So how can we help get them off to the right start?
In this article we focus in on how pastoral staff can build better relationships.
1. Boundary the relationship early
Explain your role and what you are seeking to do. Identify the child’s goals and explain how they align to yours. Explain that you may not agree on the route to get there, but are always looking to help them to get there. Explain there will be differences along the way but it’s a joint journey with their best interests as the goal. Let them know the rules on confidentiality. Give them the option to not share some information by reassuring them it’s ok to say “I would rather not say”. Ensure they know how long they will see you for and how often. Where you want to share information about them, inform them first. Where possible, agree what information you share and with whom and for what reason. Give them control of what they can control, keep them informed and prepared through predictability of all the rest.
2. Consider your social pedagogy.
The use of an activity (or even shared food prep/snack) can help the flow of a conversation.
3. Focus on positives
Ensure you celebrate positives, particularly ones the young person is focused on themselves (see here for more ideas). Build strengths. Track the small improvements. Notice compliance and desired behaviour.
4. Share enjoyment of the time spent together
The child will understand you have a paid duty of care to them. However, much of the work you do goes beyond that. Emphasise the pleasure you take from helping the child and seeing them be successful. Thank them for the time they spend with you. Highlight the positive impact this has on you e.g. “I really enjoyed playing that game with you today” or “I liked it when you said you were looking forward to having my lesson”. Share activities with them that you enjoy.
5. Let them experience prioritisation/protection
Show them you understand the impact an event has on them. Listen non-judgementally and follow through on actions to support them. Make it clear where you make adjustments to help them cope. Explain reasoning behind decisions linking back to their “big picture” or goals. Prepare them for changes individually where possible. Do with, not to!
6. Make them feel “held in mind”
Highlight where you have considered them outside of the time you have with them. Share successes with a small team of teachers via an email thread and congratulate them when you see them. Ask them about their interests and try some of them yourself, feeding back (even if just a TV recommendation or music).
7. Be strong when you have to be
There will be times where you make decisions that they will disagree with. When you know them well, you will know when to expect more. You will know the language to use to ensure they understand they can do better. You will know the best natural consequence to take to help them right their wrong. Be strong FOR them. Explain your decisions, linking to their “big picture” or goals. Remind them you told them this moment would come and that they must trust you to be acting in their best interests. Reassure them that your view of them has not changed and that your focus is on helping the behaviour to not be repeated. Stay committed to their vision and your shared expectations. Remind them of how they overcame this moment in future but remind them of past successes now.
Get in touch with your own ideas on how to improve relationships!